Kids Say the Darndest Things!

August 9, 2012

Regardless of age, innocence or intent, some of our most humorous lines come from children.

From misusing terminology to downright witty comments, our young gems can be the source of hours of laughter. We at CareGuide want to share some of the funniest stories and conversations we’ve come upon!

(1) Dinnertime blessings

A wife invited some people to dinner after a long day at work. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, Would you like to say the blessing?"

"I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied.

"Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered.

The daughter bowed her head and said,"Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"

(2) Dead seagull

A father was at the beach with his children when his four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a seagull lay dead in the sand.

"Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked.

"He died and went to Heaven," the dad replied.

The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?"

(3) Just look at your panties

A five-year-old asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied that she was so old she didn’t remember any more.

The granddaughter replied, “If you don’t remember you should look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six.”

(4) The sky is falling!

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer.

She read, '..... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, 'The sky is falling, the sky is falling!' The teacher paused then asked the class, 'And what do you think that farmer said?'

One little girl raised her hand and said, “I think he said; 'Holy Cow’! A talking chicken!’”

(5) “I pissed in his ear”

A kindergarten student told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.

"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her student.

"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently. "

You did WHAT?!?!?!" the teacher yelled in shock.

"You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."

(6) Step, step, ROAR

A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride's side and groom's side), put his hands up like claws, and roar. Step, step, ROAR, step step, ROAR, all the way down the aisle.

The crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit. The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing and was almost crying by the time he reached the pulpit.

When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear."

It’s always more entertaining and humorous when we personally experience a child’s comment. Why don’t you tell us what you think the funniest thing that you have heard a child say?

We look forward to reading your responses!